Anti-dieting Guru Gifts

'Relax! I just read somewhere that 142 pounds is the new 125!'

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'You go ahead and eat. I'm on a raw food diet and surfer isn't part of it.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Whoa. Have you lost weight, professor?"

'His idea of healthy living is going to the pub in his tracksuit.'

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

Bear eating Nutri-Honey.

Overloaded on Junk Food.

"A deep-fried bone is taking it too far!"

"I'm afraid that walking to the refrigerator 5 or 6 times a day does not count as exercise."

'Walter, I warned you about all that angel hair pasta and pie in the sky.'

"There's too much fibre in your diet! Your roots are showing!"

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

"I do feel a lot better since we switched to the trans-fat free oil."

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

'Four thousand packets of the new anti-obesity drug, please'

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.'

"When I learned, 'you are what you eat', I realized I was nuts!"

Many schools are going away with the traditional junk food vending machines.

'Cut back on red meat!'

'It's more a six barrel than a six pack!'

"That Wu-Long tea diet is starting to look better every day."

Halloween on Other Planets.

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.

'Oh yes, Miss Strict Vegetarian!'

"Still fat."

Anorexic flora.

English men to have 42 inch waists by 2032. 'This machine is unsuitable for males born after 2021...'

'See, this is why I won't let you eat junk food.'