Anti-fitness Guru Gifts

'His idea of healthy living is going to the pub in his tracksuit.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Critisize your weight.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Yoga Xmas Decorations

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

Guy in gym

Psychiatry in the Park

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"My fit watch has conspired with the TV remote. The remote only stays on some fitness channel until I get up and exercise."

Woman on running machine next to a cake.

'You'll be spending a little time in pilates purgatory but don't worry, those guys work miracles.'

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"His fitness tracker said he needed 36 minutes more sleep!"

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Miracles of modern sports medicine: the Nerdectomy.

It doesn't get any better than this --- Tai Chi with chai tea!

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

"I've gotta lay off the 3 little pigs."

May, 1502. . . Leonardo Da Vinci Invents the Exercise Bike

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"