Anti-fitness Guru Pillows

'His idea of healthy living is going to the pub in his tracksuit.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Yoga Xmas Decorations

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Critisize your weight.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Guy in gym

Psychiatry in the Park

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"My fit watch has conspired with the TV remote. The remote only stays on some fitness channel until I get up and exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

Woman on running machine next to a cake.

'You'll be spending a little time in pilates purgatory but don't worry, those guys work miracles.'

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

"I've gotta lay off the 3 little pigs."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

Miracles of modern sports medicine: the Nerdectomy.

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"His fitness tracker said he needed 36 minutes more sleep!"

May, 1502. . . Leonardo Da Vinci Invents the Exercise Bike

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'