Fitness Philosopher Pillows

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

'It's 'excise' tax? And all these years I haven't worked out because I didn't want to pay an 'exercise' tax.'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

"Ugh . . . nevermind."

"Yeah, but for a fat guy who doesn't exercise I'm in pretty good shape."

Some people Power Walk. Mary Power Sits.

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Guy in gym

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

"That was my doctor...he says I need to start an exercise program...but I've never exercise a day in my life. As a youngster, I was too busy washing my family's clothes, feeding the chickens, tending the garden..."

'I'm up to 220 pounds and my feet hurt.' 'No gain, no pain!'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

'The day I feel perfect abs are important, I'll have perfect abs.'

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

'Was it the spinach, or was Popeye on steroids?'

Through dieting I lost some weight.....

Critisize your weight.

Joe's Weight Gain: 'I'm sorry, Joe. . . it's just frustrating that men loose weight so much easier than women.'

'How much eating time do I have left?'

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

This yoga class is making me take a fresh look at myself. And? � How are you feeling? Middle-aged.

Videos. I'd like to exchange this exercise and diet video for one on self-acceptance.

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

"While you've been out tormenting your bodies, I've been enjoying an active and satisfying gastric life."

"Good game."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"I hate this time of year."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Fast Food Dieter

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'