Fitness Skeptic Pillows

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

"But I do exercise. I exercise discretion."

'I did a push-up once - It didn't do me any good at ALL!'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I'm going to give it to you straight, Mr Watson, for a 27yr old you're in pretty bad shape"

'My doctor has put me on a strict NO-STRETCH exercise program.'

"Slim Fast! Complete with applicator!"

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

"Oh, I don't watch these exercise videos. I get my excercise by walking here to rent one and then returning it."

"I don't consider shopping as exercise, Mrs. Fowler."

I'm an honest politician. I'll talk the talk, but I'm not gonna walk the walk.

'Bud's body is in a pretty good shape; it's his mind that needs work.'

'Mom, what are 'stairs' for?'

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'

'Why on earth should that keep me happy?'

'Well, if you're off wine and women, how the hell did you get in this state?'

"What now?"

"Does the lack of exercise and dieting make me look fat?"

"This one has three speeds, 'fast', 'slow' and 'mosey'."

'I don't think exercise really makes you live longer. It just makes it SEEM like longer.'

Thinner Thighs in 30 Days

"Is this a good shoe for sitting?"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Critisize your weight.

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Guy in gym

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Gathering dust isn't dangerous in itself, but it's a sign of lack of exercise.'