Animal Stories Gifts

Aesop's Fables - Dog and His Own Reflection

Colin's insistence on staying in character when he wrote his animal stories proved disasterous when it came to new relationships.

"I told him that whole elephants being afraid of us thing was just a myth. But did he listen? Now look at him. What a putz."

'Me and the boys have signed a petition for 'this little piggy' to play poker with us on Friday nights.'

Cinderella's coach mice needed therapy for many years.

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'Fifty years ago he beat the Hare in that race, and we never hear the end of it!'

'What kind of medical insurance do you have?'

'I won! I won!'

"Whoever said you can drive a horse to water, but you can't make him drink? (hiccup)

'Look at them both arguing about the race: Adults are so competitive...'

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

'Hey Honey....next time lock the freezer before sending Sam out to 'make new friends'.'

"You're not leaving until we know everything."

Doe-to-doe salesman,

If the mouse hole's a-rockin', don

It's a nice place to live, except for the nosy neighbors.

Noah's Ark: Economy/First Class

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

The Fourth Little Pig

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- King Of The Commune

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"Stop playing dumb, young man. I wasn't pulled out of a hat yesterday."

"Can I hear Goldilocks and the three hares?"

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

'If you INSIST upon 'living your character' could you PLEASE stop writing animal stories.'

"Don't be fooled - that's Henrietta, cross-dressing again."

'Tarzan'

'Oh, and if a Farmer John calls, I'm not here.'