Animal Tales Gifts

'After the big race the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

The Fourth Little Pig

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"Can I hear Goldilocks and the three hares?"

"Stop playing dumb, young man. I wasn't pulled out of a hat yesterday."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

'Oh, and if a Farmer John calls, I'm not here.'

"Don't be fooled - that's Henrietta, cross-dressing again."

'If you INSIST upon 'living your character' could you PLEASE stop writing animal stories.'

Aesop's Fables: The Fox and the Crow

"Well, he's a squirrel, so yes, he's a hoarder, but that does not help come Winter: he hoards books, not nuts!"

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

"What the heck? The darn rabbit just disappeared!"

'Then, one day a kid yelled, 'Man, look at that ugly duck with the long neck and the black mole over it's beak.'. To think I spent years parading around thinking I was a swan.'

'Tarzan'

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

'Will I ever catch my tail?'

Cinderella's coach mice needed therapy for many years.

Anthropomorphic Fiction.

"It's elephants who never forget. Elephant seals forget all the time."

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

'Look, when you made an appointment for me to treat a rattlesnake bite,...

"You're not leaving until we know everything."

"Well, team-sports are rather difficult to organise around here: Just keep practising your bilboqiet Darling..."

"I think feeling a certain amount of anxiety over the upcoming race with the Hare is perfectly normal!"

'Not so easy, is it?'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"