Ancient History Humorist Gifts

'In this pyramid we are unionized. We don't accept more than 50 lashes per day.'

"I didn't discover fire, but I was the first to encircle it with stones."

Say Anything of Troy

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

'Just ignore him- it's just Peking Man.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

Vlad the Impala

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

The Trojan Beagle.

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

What's an Imax cave?

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Right here's fine."

The discovery of asparagus.

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"