Humorist Of Antiquity Gifts

Venus

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

The Trojan Beagle.

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'You realize, of course, there's a seven-day waiting period.'

Early on-line shopping

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"Take that mammoth back. It's not 'wooly' enough."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'You can't believe a word he says since he invented the subjunctive.'

'The hard part will be writing the tutorial.'

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'I'm telling you Dad: Walking upright and using tools is the way of the future...'

Carbon Dating

'We had seven gloriously happy years together, and then he learned how to talk.'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with prostate!'

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

'Art, art, art - When are we going to get some engineers?'

"I like the idea, but is it scaleable?"

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

The first unfriendly takeover

'Don't believe everything you read.'

Garg saw the future, but didn't quite know what to do with it.

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."