Ancient History Buffs Gifts

The origin of the Hula Hoop.

Business Temples

'Atlantis was doing all right until they came up with that stupid FEMA thing!'

"Our records show that you haven't filed an environmental impact statement."

'There is still much we don't know about interplanetary travel.'

"I wish I had his I.Q.!"

Walk like an Egyptian...

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

'Hey, you're the one who said he was too old to order off the kids' menu.'

'At first Moses thought he would multiply fish.'

Unknowingly, with one swish of his blood soaked mammoth tail he was inflicting pain and suffering on billions of unborn people. Home decorating had been invented.

'Who's the new guy?'

"There's a whole world out here waiting to be discovered!"

"I think someone's trying to play games with us."

Roman Hippies

The first marathon

Egyptian snail...

"Is it too late to call in sick?"

"I hope it's not contagious."

"I say we just wheel it into the city. What's the worst that can happen?""

Get moving!

Mummy reading a book in his sarcophagus.

'Fine. You can have music. I'll be the god of... of... speedy delivery! I will be The Fleet-Footed Messenger of the Gods.'

"Tell me again how you were the first person to come out of the trees and live in a cave."

"Well, you should have taken care of that before you got in!"

They were a prehistoric tribe that worshipped a fish deity. Ich-theology.

Imperial Roman Weather Bureau. Hail, Caesar.

It's an advice column. Eat your vegetables. Get to bed early. Dress warmly. Be prompt. Drink plenty of liquids.

We think this may have been an ancient garden.

I've been reading a lot of ancient history lately. That's good, little buddy. The distant past is pretty fascinating. You're preaching to the choir. Before every date, I like to revisit the pax romana. The point in time when all the squabbling ceased and all of Europe got down to some good lovin'. What's your favorite time in ancient history? March 28th, 2015. that's when I retweeted a great tweet I'd written back on December 5th, 2014.

This is the last time I help a buddy move for pizza and beer.

Og falls asleep at the wheel for the final time.

"That one was reeally close! A little lower and to the left!"

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"Approaching 10,000 steps."