Analogy Aficionados Gifts

"Department of Sports Analogies"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

I.T. Fear

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'Oh, Ben is a good man...like stem cells are good, but I am looking for embryonic stem cells.'

"The best thing is he works without WiFi or a data plan."

Miss Underhill's School Of Writing Sample Lesson

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

Schlock Holmes

Bertrand Russell

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

Although I loathe you with a passion, I've decided to put you in my will. I'm rich! On one condition. Name it. Your inheritance cannot be spent on anything that blinks, beeps, buzzes, charges, flashes … boots up, plugs in, takes batteries … Whoa, hold up … emails, downloads, texts, web-surfs, or in any way prevents you from getting out in the world and interacting in person with other human beings. It can't be spent on any of that nonsense … but … Yes? … But it does have to be walked twice a day

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

'I was betting you wouldn't show.'

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."

VINYL HISS

"You better get this through your thick shells. WE are the best idiom for insanity!"

'I have no idea what makes that guy tick.'

'A sincere apology costs nothing and it's a smart career move.'

Bucky's allegory.

"My real name's Killer. Fluffy is just my pen name."

"Don't think of them as training wheels. Just think of it as me putting your bike on safe mode."

'...No, I'm not computer literate. I write letters with a pen occasionally writing them with a thing called a typewriter!'

New Milks

Cassette Deck

I made fun of your age the other day. I'd like to apologize. That's odd. Does the blade of grass apologize to the lawnmower? Does the bug apologize to the windshield? Does the ant apologize to the boot? Those are some interesting analogies. Did they make more sense back in the middle ages when you first came up with them? I sense a boot coming

'You put a round thing on a spinning plate with a needle and then you play with buttons and knobs...only old people know how to do it.'

"Yes, that book does have a pause button. It's called a book mark."

"Hi! Just a quick call to say thanks for still using a landline."

"Why aren't my photos ready YET???"

"I can't decide whether to run away or just get off the grid."

Your eyes are like ... one limpid pool and one regular eye.