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"Department of Sports Analogies"

I.T. Fear

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

'Oh, Ben is a good man...like stem cells are good, but I am looking for embryonic stem cells.'

"The best thing is he works without WiFi or a data plan."

Miss Underhill's School Of Writing Sample Lesson

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

Schlock Holmes

Bertrand Russell

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

'I was betting you wouldn't show.'

"You better get this through your thick shells. WE are the best idiom for insanity!"

'I have no idea what makes that guy tick.'

'A sincere apology costs nothing and it's a smart career move.'

Bucky's allegory.

'...No, I'm not computer literate. I write letters with a pen occasionally writing them with a thing called a typewriter!'

"Don't think of them as training wheels. Just think of it as me putting your bike on safe mode."

Cassette Deck

"My real name's Killer. Fluffy is just my pen name."

New Milks

'You put a round thing on a spinning plate with a needle and then you play with buttons and knobs...only old people know how to do it.'

"Yes, that book does have a pause button. It's called a book mark."

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary - Digitally Mixed - Any drink stirred without the use of a spoon, swizzle stick or any other tool/utensil.

"I can't decide whether to run away or just get off the grid."

"Why aren't my photos ready YET???"

"Hi! Just a quick call to say thanks for still using a landline."

"It's a book, dear. It doesn't need any batteries."