Analogue Admirers Gifts

"Does technology frighten you?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

I.T. Fear

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

One-man band rehearsal.

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

Data Extraction Social Media Theme Park

Operation Chrome Dome.

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"Yes, we still love print, don't we?"

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

'If you don't want to go digital, fine, but if you're going to store film in our cooler you have to save room some soda and beer."

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"The best thing is he works without WiFi or a data plan."

"I'm going to have to ask you to accompany me to the Police Station!"

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

Ernie's Music. Ernie, you're opening a music store? Yep, I'm going to serve a niche market. I won't be selling CD's or any other digital music. I also won't be selling the old cassette or eight-track tapes. I'm only selling records. I'm catering to audiophiles who appreciate the unique sound quality they deliver. That's great! Are you going to adverties? Yeah, my tagline is "All sales vinyl"

"Dear diary, I'm leaving you for a Twitter account—it's not you, it's technology..."

"The aliens asked about music, too! With my help, they were able to reconstruct the most magical instrument on Earth!"

'But Miss, I've only just got the hang of 'the little hand' and 'the big hand'...'

"Don wrote our hiring algorithm."

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"The algorithm isn't showing us as many stars as it used to."

"I think we're going to have to look at our recruitment algorithms again."

Non-Digital Content Delivery Devices

Although I loathe you with a passion, I've decided to put you in my will. I'm rich! On one condition. Name it. Your inheritance cannot be spent on anything that blinks, beeps, buzzes, charges, flashes … boots up, plugs in, takes batteries … Whoa, hold up … emails, downloads, texts, web-surfs, or in any way prevents you from getting out in the world and interacting in person with other human beings. It can't be spent on any of that nonsense … but … Yes? … But it does have to be walked twice a day

Woman putting correction fluid on a computer screen

Blind Pianist of the Year Competition

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

"In case of emergency, do you know how to work a pencil?"

Little Jimmy Harmon: first to amplify the sparerib

Things you should know about...

Ernie, will you please stop saying I'm "off my rocker" every time I switch back to the acoustic guitar.