Analogue Aficionados Gifts

'I have no idea what makes that guy tick.'

"You know...our parents are pretty smart."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

I.T. Fear

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"Yes, we still love print, don't we?"

'If you don't want to go digital, fine, but if you're going to store film in our cooler you have to save room some soda and beer."

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

'Here's a deal! Buy 6 ebooks and they send you a candle that smells like a book.'

'I was just remembering the good old days - I had two of them!'

"You can tatse the slopes, er I mean hops in this."

"The best thing is he works without WiFi or a data plan."

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

Miss Underhill's School Of Writing Sample Lesson

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

'But Miss, I've only just got the hang of 'the little hand' and 'the big hand'...'

"Dear diary, I'm leaving you for a Twitter account—it's not you, it's technology..."

Ernie's Music. Ernie, you're opening a music store? Yep, I'm going to serve a niche market. I won't be selling CD's or any other digital music. I also won't be selling the old cassette or eight-track tapes. I'm only selling records. I'm catering to audiophiles who appreciate the unique sound quality they deliver. That's great! Are you going to adverties? Yeah, my tagline is "All sales vinyl"

The Victorian Suburb

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

Although I loathe you with a passion, I've decided to put you in my will. I'm rich! On one condition. Name it. Your inheritance cannot be spent on anything that blinks, beeps, buzzes, charges, flashes … boots up, plugs in, takes batteries … Whoa, hold up … emails, downloads, texts, web-surfs, or in any way prevents you from getting out in the world and interacting in person with other human beings. It can't be spent on any of that nonsense … but … Yes? … But it does have to be walked twice a day

Woman putting correction fluid on a computer screen

What seemed like forever of being gone, one day Skippy rolled back home.

'I miss my water bed.'

"In case of emergency, do you know how to work a pencil?"

"He's beginning to recognize you"

VINYL HISS

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

"Your infection is (obviously) retrograde."

'I was betting you wouldn't show.'

Man returning Jaws to the video shop

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."