Analogue Enthusiast Gifts

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

VINYL HISS

This is a 'text book' it's a bit like a website but printed on paper.

'Where would you recommend for a tech-free experience.'

I.T. Fear

'It was only 500 yds across but as he visualised the GPS blind spot the risks seemed immense.'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

"Nice design but you haven't quite mastered the technology!"

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"Yes, we still love print, don't we?"

Books and Phones

'If you don't want to go digital, fine, but if you're going to store film in our cooler you have to save room some soda and beer."

'Stupido Digitale! Chucka me a sloppy brush, there's a gooda chap.'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"The best thing is he works without WiFi or a data plan."

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

Ernie's Music. Ernie, you're opening a music store? Yep, I'm going to serve a niche market. I won't be selling CD's or any other digital music. I also won't be selling the old cassette or eight-track tapes. I'm only selling records. I'm catering to audiophiles who appreciate the unique sound quality they deliver. That's great! Are you going to adverties? Yeah, my tagline is "All sales vinyl"

"Dear diary, I'm leaving you for a Twitter account—it's not you, it's technology..."

No Hand Signals

'But Miss, I've only just got the hang of 'the little hand' and 'the big hand'...'

"I wish I could just focus on the future and quit revisiting the past."

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"In case of emergency, do you know how to work a pencil?"

Non-Digital Content Delivery Devices

"Actually write thank-you notes to my best customers with a pen and paper? But I wouldn't have spell check!"

"It's a new signal to specify that we don't need Robin."

Woman putting correction fluid on a computer screen

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

Although I loathe you with a passion, I've decided to put you in my will. I'm rich! On one condition. Name it. Your inheritance cannot be spent on anything that blinks, beeps, buzzes, charges, flashes … boots up, plugs in, takes batteries … Whoa, hold up … emails, downloads, texts, web-surfs, or in any way prevents you from getting out in the world and interacting in person with other human beings. It can't be spent on any of that nonsense … but … Yes? … But it does have to be walked twice a day

Sundial Watch

You'll see, Chet; sales will pick up as soon as this whole Internet fad blows over.'

'I have no idea what makes that guy tick.'

"Don't think of them as training wheels. Just think of it as me putting your bike on safe mode."

Still life (waiting for the internet of things)