Analog Geek Gifts

A man's instant camera picture falls into his soup.

I.T. Fear

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

"Nice design but you haven't quite mastered the technology!"

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

"Yes, we still love print, don't we?"

'If you don't want to go digital, fine, but if you're going to store film in our cooler you have to save room some soda and beer."

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

"Don't worry Mac, I'll have that happy face back in no time."

'Stupido Digitale! Chucka me a sloppy brush, there's a gooda chap.'

Time Travelers from the 21st Century.

"Aren't these old eighties phones tiny!"

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"The best thing is he works without WiFi or a data plan."

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

'But Miss, I've only just got the hang of 'the little hand' and 'the big hand'...'

Ernie's Music. Ernie, you're opening a music store? Yep, I'm going to serve a niche market. I won't be selling CD's or any other digital music. I also won't be selling the old cassette or eight-track tapes. I'm only selling records. I'm catering to audiophiles who appreciate the unique sound quality they deliver. That's great! Are you going to adverties? Yeah, my tagline is "All sales vinyl"

"You've got to compress it because my email account is limited to 3MB."

'He's so behind the times - his Hot Line is rotary!'

"Dear diary, I'm leaving you for a Twitter account—it's not you, it's technology..."

"You fix it by buying a new one."

"Has it been in your family long?"

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

'Mary finally solved the blinking clock problem by putting black tape over it.'

"In case of emergency, do you know how to work a pencil?"

BYOD issues were an even bigger problem in the 1950s.

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

Woman putting correction fluid on a computer screen

VINYL HISS

Although I loathe you with a passion, I've decided to put you in my will. I'm rich! On one condition. Name it. Your inheritance cannot be spent on anything that blinks, beeps, buzzes, charges, flashes … boots up, plugs in, takes batteries … Whoa, hold up … emails, downloads, texts, web-surfs, or in any way prevents you from getting out in the world and interacting in person with other human beings. It can't be spent on any of that nonsense … but … Yes? … But it does have to be walked twice a day

'W-R-O-N-G Voltagggeeee for a vintage machine like myself.'

To continue with tech support, you must be in front of your computer and have a soldering iron, a voltmeter and a circuit tester available.

"I can remember when all we needed was someone who could carve and someone who could sew."