Amateur Writer Gifts

"I always thought I had a novel in me, but now I think may be something a little shorter!"

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

For the last time, Bobby, I told you – every other person gets the red cup with the placebo. Lemonade 50¢.

Reinventing the Wheel

"The narrative seems contrived."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

'This 'Palestine' place you're giving to us - Will we have the mineral rights?'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

'So what if you found it? Whatever it is, it belongs to ME! Now, get off my beach!'

The inscription says: 'Whiter teeth; fresher breath.'

"Writing that book was a real strain."

I'm the bluebird of happiness, and I'm on a book tour. Make Your Own Happiness.

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

"No, first you have to evolve into a man, then you can have a man-cave."

An association for the advancement of science on an excursion.

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

Gracie tries to invent a shrinking spray and squirts Baldo with it.

'Hold on, the play is under review.'

Man having picture of caught fish sees that cat has eaten it.

Tell the author your idea for a book at 3 pm.

'My Christmas list-Chapter 1'

Turtle crashes, deploys airbag.

'Okay, this is the scene where the bear becomes a parachute.'

Flying Pen

"I just hope you had to labor as hard to write it as I did to finish it."

Anyway I thought I'd have a go at this writing lark on the first publisher I showed my scribbles gave me a five book deal.

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

"That' was great - let's run though that again."

"I love your novel, and I feel that it would make excellent nesting material."