Amateur Scientist Gifts

"No, first you have to evolve into a man, then you can have a man-cave."

"Sandy says she's going to work on her cat-cow. Sounds more like a science experiment than a yoga posture to me."

A-HA! What? What do you mean "a-ha"? You know how you told me there's a difference between your pumpkin-ginseng latte and your ginseng-pumpkin latte? Well, I gave samples of each to my cousin who's a scientist in the tastebud studies department at Candorville University. He put them through the most rigorous tests known to man, and guess what the results showed? This cafe officially has no knowledge of any abnormal amounts of fluoride, heavy metals, disinfections byproducts, pharmaceutical drugs

For the last time, Bobby, I told you – every other person gets the red cup with the placebo. Lemonade 50¢.

"A new study reveals this is ACTUALLY what you've been chasing."

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

Gracie tries to invent a shrinking spray and squirts Baldo with it.

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"Do you realize that you and I have it in our power to cause quite a brouhaha?'

'That's far enough for the first trip -- gather some soil samples and initiate re-entry procedures.'

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

“If they were huggers like us they would have evolved useful arms.”

Bio Lab. You spliced phoenix DNA into a lemming? What are you trying to make? A perpetual motion machine!

"…And just what do you think you're going to do with your silly death ray once you've finished it?!"

It's an experiment.

'Catch this!'

She did only twenty-eight of the thirty-two fouetts in the Black Swan pas de deux . . . or are my eyes deceiving me?

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

"You've been in long enough! Two more dives then out!"

'Neighbors...friends...artists models.'

"The pH level seems a little off."

"OSHA is going to hear about this!"

"How do you spell, asteroid?"

Uncle Mort, have you been playing with your home genetic engineering kit again? Guilty. I was trying to clone my own DNA. For laughs, I mixed up my genes with compost. Mixed up? Technically, cross-bred. Trump is a meathead! Well, you're a vegetable.

The Bride of Finkelstein!

Frankenfish

'You know creativity involves a high tolerance for failure, don't you?'

'The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your actions.'

'Giving you eternal life was a hard enough problem! Don't expect me to know how to save enough for it, too!'

"When I was your age the Big Dipper was over THERE."

Professor...what are you doing?

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"

"We were just wondering if you were edible."