Airport Security Humorists Gifts

You heard me – shoes and phone in the tray, water in the trash.

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Cow Pilot.

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, security.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

The Problem with the TSA

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Baggage Reclaim

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"The sniffer dog had found cocaine again."

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'