Airport Security Humorists Gifts

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

Cow Pilot.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, security.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

The Problem with the TSA

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

Baggage Reclaim

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

"The sniffer dog had found cocaine again."

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'