Airport Regular Gifts

Man outside airport sells images of passengers' body scans on t-shirts.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Carefree luggage.

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'No ice.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"And would you like flies with that?"

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

I wish I'd had the review.

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"I forget to drink."

"Just water for me, please."