Airport Regulars Gifts

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

'What zip code are we in now?'

UK border controls relaxed.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"Early model of baggage claim"

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Limerick Airport

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

Airport

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

Man with backpack discharged on luggage pick up.

"The security scanner said I have exquisite feet."

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

Gates A-C: Johnson, Davis, Potts, surprise me!

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

Tui River Cruise

Couple putting baby through the scanner.

"You are going home to Quarantine? What a lovely name for a daughter!"

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

Fish Boarding

"Fight or flight?"

'Now, that's just great: We're flightless again...'

"Is it horny in here, or is it just me?"

Rip-off Cabbie

'The real fun comes when we go through airport security.'

'I stopped you so I could find out where you got that great outfit.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Not only is our flight delayed, but the airline has declared bankruptcy."