Church Regulars Gifts

" ... when the sea shall give up her dead ... whoopsy - wrong sermon."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

Midwest Winter Items.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

Church Restoration Fund.

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

'Tell me about your feelings of alienation.'

Four Chanting Monks

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

"We're callin' 'im Bill, coz he came at the end of the month"

"Is it horny in here, or is it just me?"

"Let's start a small group."

'You're away, Doc!'

"Can we discuss this?"

Curate talking to miners

'We're donating our organist to science.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

'Page 37 in your hymnals and selection #15 on your iPods.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

The waitstaff at Luigi's like to have fun when they administered the Heimlich maneuver.

Eating the Cocktail Olive

"And a source said let there be light."

"See what we missed. . .? I told you that we should have gone to church yesterday!!"

"Maybe if we hold her under longer."

"I haven't seen you in church lately, Mr. Smedly..."