Local Regular Gifts

'I'm very green - I always drink in my local.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'No ice.'

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

Wifi in Hell

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

I wish I'd had the review.

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"And would you like flies with that?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"I forget to drink."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"Just water for me, please."

Redhead

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

Prawn Cocktail Please