Airport Dramatist Gifts

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

Performance In The Bedroom

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

On the seventh day the ideation got a little heated.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"NAY!!"

The Problem with the TSA

"I think I've arrived at the airport too soon"

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

"Somebody tell me...what's my motivation?"

'I'm leaving this damn job at the end of the month.' - 'How did you find out?'

'Let's face it, we never got along. I'm just sorry it had to come to this.'

Baggage Reclaim

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

"I can't approve of your office gossiping, Frank...and after you tell me the latest I want it to stop!"

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

'Look out kids, here comes Basil Rathbone.'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

Uh Oh...

Revealing Airport Security

"... Have you passed?... Well, just let me move these five traffic violation tickets that you picked up, out of the way and I'll check your score."

"Well, it's time to vote. Those in favor of Ron's motion, please bury our face in your hands and moan 'It's utterly hopeless, nothing can be done, we're all dead!' Those opposed, signify by storming out of the room, muttering 'That bunch of gutless quitte

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"