Airline Policies Gifts

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'The recession is over, again.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

"How's my tripping you up?"

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'Nothing cements the relationship like the chance to get it in writing.'

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

'I have an open-door policy, but only until the air conditioner is repaired.'

We can't call an ambulance. He doesn't allow personal calls on company time.

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

"You're advised to check a small bag which you wouldn't mind losing as a sacrifice to the Gods of Lost Luggage."

Excess Baggage: Meanwhile, back at baggage handlers university...

Do it! Because I say so: 'I'm not sure I like the new company slogan.'

Yomp Trucking Inc...My way or the highway!

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

'Over the years our company has acquired a face of its own.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the safety presentation. It's the only way you'll know the difference between the harmless scarlet kingsnake and the deadly Eastern coral snake."

Ryanair refunds

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

"sir, this flight is overbooked and we need your seat. We can do this the easy way or...I can hit this ejection button."

"But having less legroom puts you closer to your screen."