Policies Gifts

'I have an open-door policy, but only until the air conditioner is repaired.'

Education! Education! Education!

"I'm afraid bleeding badly from a facelift is not covered under Trumpcare."

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

'The recession is over, again.'

'With this medical plan, you have the right to choose which doctor to pay.'

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

Drop your health insurance complaint through slot.

Looks like you're gonna have to finish that out here, Rupert.

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Hate Platforms

"Good boy."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"Who's got the hammer?"

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

Our Two Parties, Explained

We need a Europe of U-turns.

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

Trump leaving

'And this one's framed in beautiful Brazilian hardwood.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

Economy

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

Think Tank

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"