School Policies Gifts

'You have it easy. When I went to school, we never had a day off for metal detector maintenance.'

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

"I think we really need to review our tracking policy, Mr. Corello!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bermudez. Baldo was playing 'Rock-Paper-Scissors'...it was wrongly interpreted as gang hand signals. At this school, all forms of hostile hand signals have been banned."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"Good boy."

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

Trump leaving

Our Two Parties, Explained

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

Economy

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

Think Tank

'The recession is over, again.'

Roe v. Wade

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'

Sybil Obama

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Bureau of Disappearing Civil Liberties.

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

Pre-Old Blues

survival of the fittest

"At least the anti-public education folks haven't started to try to dictate what we can have for lunch."

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

'We do spend a lot and tax a lot, but it's the price you pay for living in a money-based economy.'

Giving Up a Little Privacy

125% tariff in escalating trade war.... ...Mitch realizes that everything he ordered is made in China

'I'm afraid this is going to lead to regulation of my invention.'

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'