Policy Gifts

'Europe a fortress? What are you talking about?! Can't you see - the door's wide open!'

NHS Queue.

"This is our needs assessment, and you'll notice on the back that I've also attached our wants assessment."

'The lobbyists' bucks stop here'

"And finally doctor, can you think of any areas where spending could be cut without damaging patiet care?"

'If you're born here, you're automatically an American citizen, right?'

A man and a woman sit on a seesaw looking at a graph.

'Try and stay alive until the government have finished their consultation process.'

"One day more boy, all this will be yours!"

US Healthcare System

'is it 'think globally, act locally' or the other way around?'

"Slight misunderstanding...the 2000 isn't the target...it's the years it might take to reach the target!"

'Sorry, no refunds. Didn't you read our fine print in Sanskrit about our return policy?'

'Members of the Fed today tightened their buns.'

Waiting for the other 'choo' to drop.

"But apart from pay, conditions, stress, increased bureaucracy, recruitment problems, patient expectations, and violence...'

'Unfortunately our new strategic initiative of a '360 degree focussed policy realignment of a core client-facing structural practices' ran our of steam before we could finish saying it!'

"It says I have to 'deliver a caring service commensurate with the resources allocated in policy protocols issued int eh patient care package'...nothing about taking you to the toilet."

"It's the new practice policy on how we persecute whistleblowers."

'...Please PASS anything...!'

survival of the fittest

'Damn! I suppose that'll mean twenty four hour policing.'

'Congratulations! You've won a competition to be treated.'

"Customer care is our number one priority as you can see if you look at policy number 67/t, paragraph 45c lines 45 to 47 of our staff handbook!"

Health care success #4

'We've had to ration some of the letters.'

'Suppy-side and demand-side economics are nothing compared to bailout-side economics.'

U.S. Congress: Ask about our 'Adopt a Lame Duck' program!

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

"Patient's rights? We recommend you don't become a patient."

NHS England: PCNs should create 'highly flexible' salaried roles for locum GPs."

'Your move...'

Subcontracts with America.

'Stick a few upper-class tax cuts to it and it'll pass like a bran muffin dipped in vaseline.'

"At least the anti-public education folks haven't started to try to dictate what we can have for lunch."