Education Policy Gifts

'Honey, the long-run is here!'

Betsy DeVos bulldozes public schools.

'A bullet proof white board? Isn't it a bit much?'

"Looks like our school district is going to change again."

"In my day, they didn't give free lunches to poor children in school." "If your parents couldn't afford to feed you, you went without." "When you saw rich kids and their fancy sandwiches, you didn't expect the government to even the scales for you." "You pushed them down in the dirt and stole those sandwiches on your own!" "I think I read about you in 'Lord of the Flies.'"

"Tough group."

'Why is it when the teachers do it they call it industrial action?'

'The driver education teacher requests an exemption from the ban on prayer during school-sponsored activities.'

School Shootings.

'Are these any use to you?'

"Now that we have ESSA, does that mean we can start leaving children behind again?"

"The government wants all schools run like businesses, Timmy, so you're fired."

"If you start as a teacher at our school we'll contribute to both the treatment of gunshot and stab wounds as well as your funeral expenses."

"Education secretary Betsy Devos who's family's fortune is derived from 'Amway'..."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

End Gun Violence

"Not only should science be Bible-based, Creationism, but also math, Roman numerals!"

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

"What I do is create elegant solutions for problems that don't exist."

Elections in German - If 'The Greens' come to power. . .

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

'You will be appointed principal of a school and you will resist change for your entire career,'

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'Why don't we just close the schools, and do it all with correspondence courses!'

'They sent me home from school because my lunchbox has a picture of a soldier on it.'

Department of ReEducation