Company Policy Gifts

'Never put off till tomorrow what you can delegate today.'

'Over the years our company has acquired a face of its own.'

"By the way, in our company, we've got an unisex toilet!"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Good boy."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

Our Two Parties, Explained

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

Trump leaving

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Roe v. Wade

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

Economy

Think Tank

'The recession is over, again.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'

Sybil Obama

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Risky, but I like it!'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"