Corporate Policy Update Gifts

'I'm concerned gentlemen. Very concerned!'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"At the end of the day, I always feel I could have shifted more blame."

'Remember - Reilly's Chairman of the Board, but Henderson's the Alpha male.'

Scapegoat of the Year

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

"I'm beginning to think they replaced the ladder of success with a greased pole."

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

Man carrying his boss.

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'Not my short list, O'Neil! You're on my other list!

'I know...he must have taken a big shortcut on his career path.'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"You'll find I'm highly motivated and ambitious...oh, is this your desk?"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"I got the promotion. Instead of Wednesdays, I'm now the one who gets blamed when things go wrong on Tuesdays."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

"Take the severance package, Hayward. The rest of the board wanted a ritual slaying."

'Just because you're smarter than me doesn't mean I can't always be right.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"