Airline Benefits Seeker Gifts

'Joe, could I have your frequent flier points?'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

Employee of the Month Parking

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

'Health Benefits of a Vegan Diet... How the heck did this get here?'

Airline Mergers.

'One carry-on!'

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

'Well, okay. So we almost bankrupted the country. But we've managed to make a slight profit thanks to the government bail out package, so who can possibly deny us a fat bonus this year?'

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

Charity Shop Income on Rise

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

'I'll have a big bonus please.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"You're advised to check a small bag which you wouldn't mind losing as a sacrifice to the Gods of Lost Luggage."

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

'Sir Percy is here for his Purple Heart, Sire.'