Air Travel Veteran Gifts

"They cancelled our flight and lost our luggage! Who knows where it is?"

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

An aircraft marshal helps a limousine park

We never fly anywhere anymore.

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

Learner driver is a crash test dummy.

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

'Is that freshly brewed?'

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

'I was a stowaway on his cargo ship, and the rest is history.'

Asian Adventure Vacations

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

How about you? Traveling for work or pleasure?

A clown rides in a hot air balloon animal.

"You did say you wanted an earlier flight."

Flying 'business class'.

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"I think, therefore I am...or am I?..."

'Look, I didn't know they had salad bars on these flights...'

"The flights are 99p...but it's an extra £435.89 if you want to take them inside the plane!"

"We are sorry for the delay in announcing the delay of flight 601"

'I'm sorry, we don't have chicken or fish. However, we do have a choice of surcharges. Would you prefer fuel, technology upgrade or new labor deal?'