Air Travel Veteran Pillows

"They cancelled our flight and lost our luggage! Who knows where it is?"

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

An aircraft marshal helps a limousine park

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

Learner driver is a crash test dummy.

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

'Is that freshly brewed?'

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

Asian Adventure Vacations

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

'I was a stowaway on his cargo ship, and the rest is history.'

A clown rides in a hot air balloon animal.

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

"You did say you wanted an earlier flight."

Flying 'business class'.

"We are sorry for the delay in announcing the delay of flight 601"

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

'Look, I didn't know they had salad bars on these flights...'

"The flights are 99p...but it's an extra £435.89 if you want to take them inside the plane!"

"I think, therefore I am...or am I?..."

'I'm sorry, we don't have chicken or fish. However, we do have a choice of surcharges. Would you prefer fuel, technology upgrade or new labor deal?'

'The good news is the airline was trying to skimp on fuel, and no terrorists were involved.'t