Air Travel Warrior Gifts

Terror Plots We Could Really Use

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Lady to man in netted car: 'Stinkin' speed trap.'

The Forever Stamp

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'I think we have some stowaways.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

"Being a crossing guard for a squirrel is exhausting!"

"You've got to be kidding. I finally start getting the hang of those traffic circles, and now this!"

'No! we're not lost! And I don't mind asking directions! I'll ask the next guy that walks pass!'

Talking car "Are we there yet?"

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

Honk if you're holy.

Get ready ... Get set ...

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

"Free safety demonstration on board the flight?"

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

Road work next 15 years.

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

'Termites!'

'I know we're not 'almost there,' but I keep asking just to keep her focused.'

Tourists travel with a dog and cat on the roof.

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

'Ecchh! Six weeks on the road! - Lousy food, lousy motels. . . but there's good, too. . . like heading back home.'

?50 speed sign

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

GPS flag in road

'Oops. I set my auto pilot to go to Saratoga ... New York.'

A clown rides in a hot air balloon animal.

'We are not going back for any rubber bone.'