Air Steward Gifts

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'Cheryl, not so loud please. Everyone's paying attention!'

No Cabin Crew Self Service.

'The airline's in trouble, isn't it?'

'And stay out!'

'You may get up and collect your carry-ons as soon as I'm timed out and illegal to work tomorrow.'

"The garlic fries were free, OK?"

Hot dogs

"Yeah, I can't make it in today. I've some kind of weird red rash all over my body."

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

Bev always got her pens back.

Breaking up with a flight attendant

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'For me, this is actually an improvement; my wife is home with our octuplets.'

"We've landed safely sir, can I have my knickers back?"

"And in the event of a water landing, I'll start screaming my f*****g head off."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

'What zip code are we in now?'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

Fight or Flight

"Would you like some wings?"

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

The World's Easiest Airport

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

TSA Noah

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

The World Wide Web.

Child on an airplane wearing a shirt with a switch that says "Airplane mode"

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'