Agri-comedian Gifts

"Why are you ploughing with a steam roller?" "I'm growing mashed potatoes."

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

A sure sign of rain

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"Static cling."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

'This is your third speeding ticket in a week. Sure your horse didn't get into some genetically modified hay?'

'She says her stomachs ache.'