Agricultural Comedians Gifts

Cows buying from 'Pants R us'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

A sure sign of rain

"Here we go again. Look at me everybody....I'm a cloud."

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"Static cling."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

'This is your third speeding ticket in a week. Sure your horse didn't get into some genetically modified hay?'

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

'She says her stomachs ache.'