Aging Relative Gifts

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage? I remember pre-tudor coinage!'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Why bother?"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Gary turns 40.

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"I don't know who you are!"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"