Young Relative Gifts

"Remember, Joey, Life is a good preparation for stocks -- lots of ups and downs."

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

At the Museum

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

Boy and Bear and Monster

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

Toy plane with pilot eject.

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"First snowman?"

Children's Party

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

"It's an Eyesaur."

'Nope. I didn't see any dogfish.'

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

Magnet School. A "magnet school"? Won't that mess up the computers?

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"Better luck next time, kid."