Young Relative Gifts

"Remember, Joey, Life is a good preparation for stocks -- lots of ups and downs."

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

At the Museum

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

Boy and Bear and Monster

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Toy plane with pilot eject.

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

'Nope. I didn't see any dogfish.'

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

"First snowman?"

"It's an Eyesaur."

Children's Party

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

Speed Dating.

Childlike love