Relative Gifts

Contest of wills.

'I always thought he lived in Margate?'

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

You're supposed to be man's best friend, but you never call and you never write!

'Would it kill 'ya to index my birthday check to inflation?'

'Gramma, can you help with my homework?'

'Well, if it's hereditary, send the bill to one of my relatives.'

'You just had to tell them to make themselves at home!'

'We're your family... please don't audit us.'

'I warned them years ago... start retiring earlier or invest in a bigger sign.'

'Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family....in another state....'

Pre-Ancestry.com

Auntie Bodies

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

'I know when I'm not wanted...'

Boy stays on grandpa's 'check list.'

"That's my half-brother on my mother's side"

Though laughter is the bed medicine, few appreciate the laugh track.

'I swear, everyday you get a little bit more like your father's, father's, father's, father's, father's, father.'

'Getting him the penthouse at least means that we have a window of opportunity.'

"It's from your Aunt Arctica. And if you like that gift, just wait... that's only the tip of the iceberg!"

'Hey, Fred! You have a relative visiting.'

'Wow, Timmy, you've grown a foot since I saw you last!'

'You have an annoying drip in the bathroom. Please get him out of there.'

'You really have little choice in the matter, Son -- you're a Bramwell, and we Bramwells have always been pompous asses.'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'You really have little choice in the matter, Son -- you're a Bramwell, and we Bramwells have always been pompous asses.'

'...Then the Minister says...'

'Hello great great great great grandad! I've travelled through a wormhole from the future!'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

'Are you a friend or a relative of the bird?'

'Dear Auntie, thanks for the set of encyclopedias...'

Reading a Eulogy.

Holiday Stress.

'Uh, yes, mother, Murray is using your necktie.'