Close Relative Gifts

"Please include the number of a close relative in case there's an emergency...with your insurance."

Shepherd and eurydice

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

Holding hands

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

Children's Party

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"We balanced our budget this month!"

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

If you want to see love be love.

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Red Letter Days - Encounter with the old village sweetheart - 'bless my soul! ... Miss Victoire! ...'

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

Stockwell's day

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"The doctor would like you to pee into this chalice."

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

Contest of wills.

Hospital.

"Sorry - my dog is at the vet. This one is a loaner."

Sculptor making a statue to hug.

Letterman Show: 'He's always been at my side...the one consonant in my life...'