Ancestor Gifts

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

"Custer's mother."

"It belonged to my great... great creepy Uncle Edgar."

'My grandfather came to this country without a dime and ran a still. He lifted himself by his bootleg.'

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

'That was your grandfather -- he was trying to fake an assassination attempt, and something went wrong.'

'...and that's my great-great-great uncle Wilbur. He died of smoke inhalation when his mustache caught on fire.'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Bond James, Bond."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"Just be yourself."

Prize vegetables.

Louis Armstrong

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "