Ancestor Enthusiast Gifts

Dave's most treasured possession was the picture he had of his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather.

'Your grandfather? Ah -- thereby hangs a tail....'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

'One of these days this will all be yours and by then it should be making a profit.'

"It belonged to my great... great creepy Uncle Edgar."

'Thrilling news yesterday; my nephew's got the Lascaux Caves commission.'

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

Ancenstry.com Your results: Oak: 80% Pine: 12% Maple: 3% Unknown: 5%

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

'...and someday this will all be yours, Son.'

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

'You really have little choice in the matter, Son -- you're a Bramwell, and we Bramwells have always been pompous asses.'

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."

She's leaving me all her money.'

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'