Family Ancestry Gifts

The children at their cousin's grave

Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. I am not your Uncle Mort. You know the doctors have said "no caffeine," Uncle Mort. I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Mr. Somewunneruther. "Mister Somewunneruther"? Yes. Of the Minnesota Somewunneruthers. We're a very old and respected family. We came over on the Sunflower. Mayflower!!! One gentle flower chamomile tea, coming up.

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

Several generations live together in Cuba

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

Family DNA

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Welsh airport arrivals.

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Frankenstein's Ancestry

"That's lovely darling, but I don't think that's what your teacher meant when she asked you to draw your family tree..."

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

A caveman kid sees his ancestor in a museum exhibit

"She reminds me so much of myself at her age."

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

"My Aunt Agatha – feminist, civil rights activist, philanthropist, sound engineer for 'Cheap Trick at Budokan.'"

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

"No offense, but I'm eternally grateful to know that you stand no chance of ever passing on your genes."

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

"Ma didn't want to leave out anyone."