Discovering Ancestry Gifts

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

DNA Tests. Discover your ancestry. That was great! I love taking a science test where it's not possible to give a wrong answer.

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs.

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

Ancenstry.com Your results: Oak: 80% Pine: 12% Maple: 3% Unknown: 5%

'Scientists at the Human Genome Project have located a gene that makes us want to constantly look for our name on search engines.'

'It's a coat of arms, not a logo.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

'Grandpa, tell us again about you and Great-Grandpa William.'

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

" ...and this is the armor of my ancestor, 'Cederick the Unintimidating.'"

Have you even thought of having children, Randy? Of course. I come from a long line of perfect specimens. Each successive generation is more charming, more virile, more irresistible than the last. HOJ. Logic dictates that I am not the end result, I am but a link in the evolutionary chain of Randies. I must reproduce eventually, for the sake of all mankind. How about you? I come from a long line of corporate overlords, each greedier than the last ...

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

"Just your resume. We're not interested in the DNA testing."

In today's lesson, we'll talk about our ancestors 'The Mammoths'

"I think my grandmother might have married him and brought him home after the war, since then he's just been sat by the fire..."

7 Reasons You Might Be Irish. . .

The children at their cousin's grave

Dysfunctional Family Tree.

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

'I started a family tree too, but I gave it up fairly quickly: Way too many relatives...'

"Wow. I share DNA with Moby Dick!"

'We've traced you back to the cartoonist who drew you.'