Discovering Ancestry Pillows

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs.

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

'Scientists at the Human Genome Project have located a gene that makes us want to constantly look for our name on search engines.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

'It's a coat of arms, not a logo.'

'Grandpa, tell us again about you and Great-Grandpa William.'

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

"Just your resume. We're not interested in the DNA testing."

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

In today's lesson, we'll talk about our ancestors 'The Mammoths'

The children at their cousin's grave

"I think my grandmother might have married him and brought him home after the war, since then he's just been sat by the fire..."

Dysfunctional Family Tree.

"Wow. I share DNA with Moby Dick!"

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

'We've traced you back to the cartoonist who drew you.'

'I started a family tree too, but I gave it up fairly quickly: Way too many relatives...'

'I'm reclaiming my roots.'

"We've built on their ancestral moonshining grounds."