Ancestry Discovery Pillows

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'One of my forebears.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs.

'My husband's ancestors did come over on the Mayflower. The scraped them off the bottom of the boat.'

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

Ancenstry.com Your results: Oak: 80% Pine: 12% Maple: 3% Unknown: 5%

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

'Scientists at the Human Genome Project have located a gene that makes us want to constantly look for our name on search engines.'

'It's a coat of arms, not a logo.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

Who's your daddy?, INC. It

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'Grandpa, tell us again about you and Great-Grandpa William.'

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

Billy listened spell-bound as his grandfather told him magical tales about the adventures of his ancestors.

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

"I traced my family tree. This is it."

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

'My mother was a race horse. My father was a stablehand who got five years for sodomy.'