Ancestry Research Pillows

"And believe it or not children, some of your ancestors could be related to this fellow right here."

"Our new employee Thomson's great-great-grandfather was Russian, his great-grandmother Greek,his great-grandfather German and his mother Spanish."

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

'I demand a DNA test.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs.

"OK, now you've gone back too far."

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

'My husband's ancestors did come over on the Mayflower. The scraped them off the bottom of the boat.'

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

Ancenstry.com Your results: Oak: 80% Pine: 12% Maple: 3% Unknown: 5%

'Scientists at the Human Genome Project have located a gene that makes us want to constantly look for our name on search engines.'

'It's a coat of arms, not a logo.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

Who's your daddy?, INC. It

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

'Any gunslingers in your family? You're certainly 'Quick on the draw'.'

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'Grandpa, tell us again about you and Great-Grandpa William.'

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

In today's lesson, we'll talk about our ancestors 'The Mammoths'

Have you even thought of having children, Randy? Of course. I come from a long line of perfect specimens. Each successive generation is more charming, more virile, more irresistible than the last. HOJ. Logic dictates that I am not the end result, I am but a link in the evolutionary chain of Randies. I must reproduce eventually, for the sake of all mankind. How about you? I come from a long line of corporate overlords, each greedier than the last ...

"This is your great-great-great-great grandfather Felipe. If he was alive, he'd be a very famous man."

"Just your resume. We're not interested in the DNA testing."