Family Ancestry Pillows

The children at their cousin's grave

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Several generations live together in Cuba

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

Family DNA

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

Welsh airport arrivals.

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Frankenstein's Ancestry

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

"That's lovely darling, but I don't think that's what your teacher meant when she asked you to draw your family tree..."

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

A caveman kid sees his ancestor in a museum exhibit

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

"No offense, but I'm eternally grateful to know that you stand no chance of ever passing on your genes."

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

"She reminds me so much of myself at her age."

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

"My Aunt Agatha – feminist, civil rights activist, philanthropist, sound engineer for 'Cheap Trick at Budokan.'"

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

"Ma didn't want to leave out anyone."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"